Posted by Racer on March 11, 2004, at 15:11:17
In reply to Hypomania and spending a lot..., posted by Pandabear on March 11, 2004, at 11:51:50
Heheheh, naw, never heard of anything like this, you must be the only one in the world who's ever done this... Yeah, right! (Laughing WITH you, kiddo, on accounta I done this, too.)
I can't tell you what to do, or how to do it, but I can tell you some of the things that helped me when I was doing this sort of thing. I hope that helps.
First of all, yes -- do talk to your therapist about this. Not because it's some great huge shameful problem, just because it gives you another chance to gain insight into your reactions to the world, and your experiences in it. That's always a good thing, in my not-so-humble opinion. While you're thinking about it on your own, think about what you feel when you think about buying something. Do you want those new pants because you think that they'll somehow make you more beautiful? Or because you only have one pair of good pants and are feeling so good you want to recognize yourself as DESERVING of a choice of good pants? What do the items *mean* to you? Or are you spending money as a way of punishing yourself for feeling better? That was always part of it for me, punishment for feeling as if I deserved to feel better. Once I'd punished myself by lowering my bank balance, I could go back to saying, "See? You're so irresponsible that you can't even handle money! You *deserve* to feel like [expletive deleted] for being so weak and idiotic. You certainly didn't need those new shoes, and you don't deserve to have nice things like that because you're irresponsible." Does that make sense? Find out, to the best of your ability, *why* you are spending the money, and what the items you buy mean to you. That was my first step, and once I identified -- especially -- the deeper meaning of my purchases, I could choose when I'd buy something, rather than feeling out of control.
The second thing I did was to put myself on a money diet. The best and easiest method for me was CASH. I'd spend cash, rather than writing checks or flipping out the plastic. That alone made more of a difference to me than anything else. If I knew that I had $100 in cash to spend, I'd find myself thinking harder about every purchase, whether or not I really needed it, whether I really even *wanted* it, and generally spent a lot less because I was thinking about it. I guess it's a form of being mindful of what you're really doing. The other benefit of using cash was that I couldn't insert the thin end of the wedge -- no fudging budgets, by saying, "Well, I know that I said I'd only spend $50 today, but this blouse is only $60, so that's not really outside my budget...." If I had $50 to spend, I couldn't fudge it into $60, or $70. That limit made it a lot easier for me to handle it.
Last thought for right now, you might also consider getting a book on accounting. Not a big old textbook, but something like "accounting for non-finance folks" sort of thing. Maybe there's a For Dummies book? It might help you understand the whole thing better to see some of the principles set out from a different perspective. Learning, for example, to set a budget that includes saving, or learning to separate long-term discretionary spending from short term impulse buying. It helped me a lot to make up a Long Term Fun Spending account, because then I wouldn't spend a ton of little knickknacky little bux, but save those dribs and drabs for something more spectacular and satisfying. You know, like not buying that donut and those potato chips, and saving the money to take yourself out for a really nice dinner in a nice restaurant. Or not buying those six CDs one at a time, but saying the $80 to buy a really cute blouse. I also do a certain amount of analysis about what I'm buying. Like, "well, if I buy this pair of pants today, even though they're not quite right, I won't be satisfied with them, and I won't be able to afford to buy the 'right' pair if I find them next week. Therefore, I will not buy these pants, I'll wait until I find what I really want." That helps me a lot, because then I don't have to get into that rut of self-recrimination over how dissatisfied I am with everything I buy, how silly I am about money, etc. And I get a lot more satisfaction in what I do buy, because I've thought it out better.
Hope that helps a bit, and good to hear you're feeling better.
poster:Racer
thread:323254
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040308/msgs/323281.html