Posted by lifeworthliving on April 25, 2004, at 19:25:45
In reply to Re: new poster » lifeworthliving, posted by Dinah on April 25, 2004, at 17:37:14
>>>>>What a fabulous positive attitude! I'm glad you were finally able to cross the registration hurdle and look forward to your input wherever you feel like jumping in. I think different people have their favorite boards, but you can post on however many you are interested in posting on. Now, tell us all about your fabulous therapist. :)>>>>>
i'm so excited... i got a response! i never thought my attitude particularly positive... that surprised me but i'm glad you said something. it feels so good to feel good!
about my therapist: i see her twice a week. i've been pretty consistant to write after every session, and think i've got quite the log documenting where it is i've come from, etc. my therapist keeps everything i write; i flipped through it once about a year ago. if i didn't have the edvidence in my own writing, i wouldn't believe all that has happened. therapy has been wonderfully miserable, kwim? i continue to be surprised by my behavior in her office... anyone that knows me probably wouldn't recognize me. i lay down on the couch after i wrap myself up in a quilt. i'm not sure where i got the guts to lay down... it isn't like me to submit to that kind of urge. i just knew that i HAD to lay down so bad... my head was too heavy or something. even with her encouragement it took a awhile for me to make it a habit. now i hate it when i have to sit up. about six months ago she asked about holding my hand (wondered if it would help access something?) so she will hold my hand now if i ask. it was hard for a long time to think therapy was "real" because who i was in her office was so contrary to who i thought i was on the outside. does that make sense? hmmmm, what else? i email what i write to her but she doesn't respond unless i have to change an appt or something. she did email me when she went out of town for three weeks last year. her absence was extremely difficult for me and i was very embarrassed to need/want this from her. i'm still trying to fully understand transference. if what we have is transference, it's very positive and what enabled me for more than a year to make good decisions regarding self care. i did buyread the book by d. lott (when dinah recommended it?) and found it helpful. i live in a small town so it isn't unusual for me to see my therapist when i'm out and about. i used to find it very unsettling, like finding out your third grade teacher doesn't live at the school. when i would happen upon her i wouldn't know what to do... turn and run the other way? or run up to her and drool all over her? i'm not so freaked out anymore and am able to stand in line with her at the grocery and mostly act normal (although i don't always feel it). and will even go out of my way to avoid her if i see her ahead and don't feel as capable, or i want to give her some space. (how thoughtful am i?) mostly i wished her sole purpose for living was to support me and that she would move into my basement where she would be safe from harm and accessible to me always. she knows how much i love her and thinks it's ok since it isn't causing me any problems. in fact, i think i started sharing my writing with her because i often thought the writing was more honest/real than i was able to be in her office, and i wanted to be sure that what i thought and felt wasn't crazy. so far, so good! i really can't imagine my life without her in it. i dread termination... i'd be a good forever therapy candidate.
--life
poster:lifeworthliving
thread:339878
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040419/msgs/339939.html