Posted by shadows721 on April 28, 2004, at 17:23:22
In reply to Need help w/ 13 yr old daughter, posted by Bgirls on April 27, 2004, at 12:58:43
You mentioned about a home. Here is a web address
http://www.happyhillfarm.org/Now, I am going to tell you somethings that you may or may not know or want to hear. Children are mirrors. They reflect the parents issues. While this child may seem the enemy, she is not. She is reflecting the pain in the family. She is the "identified patient" in the family. In other words, she is not the roots of the problems. She is only the reflection.
Her problem is a family problem. The whole family is involved in this feedback system. No one is an island. Everyone affects one another. She may need a tough love approach by you. For example, who is bringing in the food to help perpetuate this weight problem? It needs to stop. She needs more exercise too. She will fight you, but that's what she may want out of you anyway - Action and not just words.
She is your daughter and will be so forever. Housing is a temporary assistance to a long term problem. We would all like to see them change, but you have to change with them. You have to an inventory of yourself and ask. "What are you doing to aid this behavior?" Is this her way of getting the attention. Has she been labeled in the family as the problem? If so, she is going to act out the role. This is a complex problem. There is much more here than you may be willing to see right now. What is your daughter saying with this behavior? What is she reflecting about the family?
I am telling you what any health professional is going to really look at. They will see this as a family problem and just not her problem. There is still a little girl in this child and in a lot of pain. It's easy to get into labels and dx, but that's not the answer. More meds are not going to fix a serious self esteem issue either.
This is a difficult problem, but I believe there is hope.
poster:shadows721
thread:340627
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040426/msgs/341075.html