Posted by 64bowtie on May 12, 2004, at 13:16:43
I had to learn to suspend all habits and habituation in order to see which ones were mine and which ones were foisted on me by my dysfunctional and "loving" (approval is not love) parents and other caregivers. Then, when I could see which ones were mine, I could sort out and discard whatever was dysfunctional.
But wait! I discovered that I had collected layers of bad-habits; bad-habits that create other bad-habits. I was a "bad-habit pack-rat". Other pack-rats collect their "treasures" and are luckier than I was. I can't sell my bad-habits-collection at yard-sales, or swap-meets, or on eBay.
Platitude: "...but your parents did the best they could"... Perhaps. ...and I have done better. Isn't the Universe setup to reward offspring who outshine their parents? Don't parents hope to be outshown? Common-sense would say yes.
I hope I'm not wrong about that. I honor my advanced progress because it seems fitting to. If arrogance is "vain-ignorance", am I both vain -a n d- ignorant (at the same time, and for the same reason) to honor my succeses? If no-one can succeed, why try?
Why does a segment of society feel (yes, feel, not see) a put-down if I honor my success by saying, "If I can do it, so can you!" Something's missing if society leaves me feeling like I did something wrong.
I suspect that common-sense "isn't" any more. Common-sense has been trampled by expediency. No wonder the aliens (the class-ones and the class-twos) think we're gonna blow ourselves up soon. Without solid, multi-generational self-respect, we have no common-sense as a society.
Without self-respect, I couldn't act responsibly, I couldn't get to school or to work ontime, I couldn't love, I couldn't accept myself, I was in chronic irrational fear (for what I don't know), I lied, I cheated on my wives and ladyfriends, I had miserable and un-workable expectations, I was controlling, and I was great at trivia (which I hope I'm really, really done with. Alshiemers might come along and help that, though, ....except none of my relatives had it before they died.... Rats!).
We can't have common-sense if we don't have individual-self-respect for most of the society. We do the impossible instead and promote self-esteem.
I needed self-respect. Self-esteem, with all my dysfunctional behavior and no self-respect, would have made me brag about myself. Know anybody like that in the 100 people close to you(plural)?
Rod
PS: ...but I was never arrested, I didn't drink booze, I didn't traffic or seek out or partake of drugs and hallucinagenics, I just drank strong coffee and was lucid all the time so I could always scheme-up some other disaster!
poster:64bowtie
thread:346174
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040512/msgs/346174.html