Posted by spoc on May 13, 2004, at 11:59:53
In reply to Re: What happened to this board? » KindGirl, posted by Aphrodite on May 11, 2004, at 18:23:22
Hi Aphrodite,
Hope you feel more relaxed about things now. I haven't been here all that long myself, but wanted to say that even though visually some things are right in our faces whether we like it or not, it helps to keep things in perspective to remember how little is really behind it in those cases. It is usually a number of participants that could be counted on one hand or less; and the only reason a thing ends up looking like a big or pervasive deal is that the post titles to isolated threads have to go and take up so much room sometimes!
So, you can usually ferret out the important information that the thing is only being discussed by a very people amongst the huge number of regular posters (and the many thousands of others registered). It may also help to look and see that probably none of the people you're bonding with are involved, or if they were, that what they said probably wasn't mean spirited or questionable in any way if you really look at it.
I think any kind of controversy here simply jumps out more against the back drop of what is a very specialized and controlled environment. If you heard the same conversations going on elsewhere in real life, many of them probably wouldn't even catch your notice as being actually hostile. And if we could see the people's faces and hear their words, we could also often see that many times no one is truly upset, angered or hurting over it.
Occasionally maybe we'll see some things that do seem completely overboard, but they are in the vast minority and not something you have to worry about being a possible underlying theme here. And even when people do involve themselves in a controversy, it may help to remember that while we like the safe and protected environment here, clashes do happen to us and those we know in real life; and in most cases we don't end up having to change our opinion about those people or ourselves. We/they can still be good people, even when we/they are the ones that were 'having a moment' and out of line.
All that is clearly harder to remember 'in writing' like this where all we have are flat visual cues, but it may feel better to give people the benefit of the doubt, like we try to in real life, that nothing truly serious is going on in that situation or with them and their character.
I would say (admittedly knowing *nothing* myself and certainly having no real wisdom on these things!) that you can trust that you'll be fine, because the kinds of people you will probably bond most with are many of the same ones who specifically avoid getting involved in anything 'tricky,' even if they do have a strong opinion about what is being discussed. So I think it will all sift itself out right for you, and you can feel safe!
Best wishes to you and us all! :- )
poster:spoc
thread:345806
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040512/msgs/346459.html