Posted by lonelygirl on May 18, 2004, at 0:21:11
My last session with my psychologist was Tuesday. It wasn’t too bad, but not great either. I only cried a little! He started by asking about some of the things we had talked about last week, so the first 15 minutes or so were pretty normal. Then he asked me for feedback on what worked and what didn’t work. I feel bad, because I knew he was going to ask that (earlier, when I had intended to quit after the mandatory number of sessions, he told me to think about it before what was going to be the last session), but I hadn’t really prepared a good answer. I said that it was helpful to approach things in a rational way, and when he helped me schedule my time to get things done. I said I felt like the cost-benefit analysis was a little condescending, because I already had a pretty good idea in my mind about the costs and benefits and what outweighed what, so it didn’t really help much to go through it again. I thought that once I had done it once, I kind of “got it,” and wouldn’t have minded skipping over that the rest of the time.
He asked me if there was anything I wanted to talk about, and I said that as a matter of fact, I was hoping he would go over my diagnosis with me. Luckily, he didn’t have my file in his office, so he had to leave for a minute to get it, and I took the opportunity to sneak a peek at his photo of his wife that’s on the shelf above where I sit (she’s wearing a lab coat with her name on it in the photo, so I found out her name this way).
First, he explained the way the counseling center works. He said they only make a diagnosis at the initial consultation, and because of their focus on the student population and school-related problems, they do things a little differently than other places, in that they don’t really direct treatment based on the diagnosis. Then he went through the initial diagnosis he made. There was nothing particularly surprising, except perhaps things he might have missed. I asked him (since he said he made the diagnosis the first time I saw him) if he would change anything about that now. He said he would have diagnosed a depressive disorder (he had listed that as a “rule-out”). Also, he put nothing for axis II, and he said that he thinks I have some passive-aggressive tendencies (though he acknowledged that it is no longer an officially diagnosed personality disorder). He also read through his notes from the consultation. I’m not sure if it meant anything that he read them to me rather than letting me look at them myself.
I also asked him for some parting advice. He said that his hope for me is that I will see that I have some good qualities that make me likable and attractive, and that he got to see that when getting to know me and he thinks that others will, too, if they can get to know me. (Somewhere around this point, he told me that he will miss me.) He suggested that when I get a job, for example, I am going to go into the cafeteria and have to decide whether to sit with a group of people or sit by myself, and he thinks I should take a chance and sit with people, even though it might seem scary. He said I might just have to do it on the faith that he might be right.
He suggested that when I move out of my parents’ house, I should get a roommate. I said, “No way!” but asked him why he thought so. He said that he thinks it’s not good to be isolated -- that isolation can be “crazy-making.”
He thinks I should find another therapist where I move, not because he thinks I need it, but because he thinks I benefit from it. This was when I started crying, and he asked me what it was about what he said that hit me so hard, and I said that I don’t like anyone but him. He thanked me, and said that he knows this was an important relationship for me, but even though it will be hard for me to lose this relationship, that maybe it should give me some hope about the possibility of other relationships.
He said that if I fail any of my classes, I better get back there and finish my degree, because if I don’t, I will be kicking myself for the rest of my life (at that point, I was worried about passing 2 of my classes, but I since found out I got C’s in both).
I think that was about it for advice, and then time was up. He said he would like it if I would drop him a note or call him to let him know how things are going. I asked if I still can’t e-mail him (the counseling center’s policies prohibit e-mail between counselors and clients) and he said I can’t. I gave him my card and he thanked me, but put it down on his desk and said he was going to read it a little later. Maybe he was afraid that I was going to profess my undying love for him or something. Heh.
And that was it. No hug, : ( just a handshake and pat on the back. It was kind of unsatisfying. He helped me through my last semester of school, and I graduated, so I guess I don’t really “need” him any more for that, though I would have liked to work on other things with him too. I will definitely miss him, but I still have one more chance to talk to him (when I call to tell him I passed my classes).
Ok, that’s enough of that. Long and boring. But I wanted to write it all down in part for my own benefit, so I can remember.
poster:lonelygirl
thread:348018
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040512/msgs/348018.html