Posted by babbgal on May 21, 2004, at 13:14:38
In reply to Re: A new theory of mine, posted by Rigby on May 21, 2004, at 12:46:20
Dinah, great post. Lots to think about.
Rigby, if I'm not mistaken, I believe that your statement, "...if therapy is working--and working well--it should be about recogizing our dreams and desires and also, by remembering, re-thinking and in a sense re-training old patterns..." is pretty much the classic definition of the goal of psychodynamic psychotherapy...that is, seeing the old rotten patterns we are caught up in, breaking those patterns, becoming healthier.
Lord knows, I never believed in the "you learned x and y from your parents and it influences your life now." But that's all changed. I am with a great T. and while I don't blame my family for problems in my life, I can definitely see where I learned certain things (i.e., participated in destructive ways of acting/behaving) growing up, and where my family tried to prevent me from growing and changing...it's sometimes so damn scary to be dredging this stuff up...
As to wanting and having, and wanting what I can't have...my T. has been trying to get me to follow my dreams and be able to define for myself what I want. There was a time when he asked me to come up with 20 things that I want, and I could only come up with about 5. I had (have?) a serious problem with even thinking about good things for myself. So I'm at the point where he is trying to nurture that in me...so I haven't even got to the point of wanting something I can't have...!
>>"I think the artificial setup of the therapist's office is nearly guaranteed to make us care more for them than they care for us. And that hurts like h*ll.">>
I personally don't feel this. Yes, I care for my T. and am grateful for the relationship. I also feel very strongly that he cares for me right back, because he has demonstrated so through his behavior -- being extremely available to me via phone and extra sessions, being incredibly respectful of me and my feelings (even at times when we've yelled at each other...) and having the utmost integrity in regards to agreements we make in the therapeutic setting.
I've seen other therapists in the past and had always felt "lesser"...and also never thought I made any progress. With this T., I feel respected...maybe "equal" isn't the right word, but I don't feel like the stupid lesser one, I feel like a person worthy of being listened to. And yes, I know I pay for the service, but in any case...things are working, there is still pain, but perhaps a little bit less. We'll see. :)
poster:babbgal
thread:349242
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040512/msgs/349265.html