Posted by LG04 on July 19, 2004, at 15:27:39
hi, i haven't been reading much here lately because i am on vacation and not seeing my therapist. and it hurts to read threads because you all are still seeing your therapists.
i have decided that i am moving back to america. my support system here is much stronger and i miss it here. it's hard for me to do the work that i am doing with my therapist because i don't have a strong support system overseas where i am living.
however as i am realizing that i making this decision, the pain of leaving my therapist is almost unbearable. i cried for hours last night and finally got out of bed today at 3 p.m. I can hardly function. my relationship with her is the most intimate, real, supportive, safe relationship i've ever had with anyone my entire life. i've never let anyone in the way i've let her in to my heart. it is the most important relationship in my life (i am not married nor do i have children). and we are not terminating in a gradual way, at a time when i am ready to leave her or therapy. we are only terminating because i am moving. it's very, very premature.
i don't know how to deal with this pain. it is gut-wrenching. i can't believe i am making a choice that is causing me so much pain. but i know it's better for me to live here where i grew up. i need my family (for better or worse) and my friends.
i feel like i will never get over this loss. that i will miss our relationship for the rest of my life.
i am calling her from here often, we have set up a calling schedule to help "wean" me from her. sometimes talking to her causes more pain though because i just feel the loss.
we have talked about continuing our relationship in some way. but i am not even in a place yet where i can try to figure that out. and in many ways it doesn't matter...what we have now is ending, and any other kind of relationship we might create will not be the same.
also in my intense grief i just want her to go away forever. it hurts too much. i know she loves me very much and that hurts too. everything hurts regarding her right now.
thank you for listening. she suggested that i write to you all about what i am feeling. that you will understand. maybe someone else has experienced something similar? how do you get through this?
LG
poster:LG04
thread:367828
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040716/msgs/367828.html