Posted by daisym on July 19, 2004, at 16:17:29
I have therapy in 2 hours. I feel panicky and sick. I haven't felt this way about going in a long time. Usually I feel this way after! I'm posting here trying to resist the impulse to leave a message and say I'm not coming.
Last Thursday was intense and I felt very out of control as I shared new parts of some of my most awful memories. I'm getting the auditory parts back now. They drop into my dreams and I wake up "hearing" it instead of just "seeing" it. I didn't expect this. The younger part of me was so far out and flooded with painful, conflicting emotions. "She" was almost hysterical in her demand for answers.
"Our" therapist was great. He answered as much as he could and didn't just give the standard "you know it is never the child's fault" line. Because the 12 year old doesn't know that. So he soothed her and acknowledged the conflict and said he wanted to see all the tears. And made himself totally available over the weekend if needed.
But I put it away and kept it away this weekend. And now...I feel the storm brewing and I'm so afraid of the intensity. My younger parts feel safe in therapy and are aching to get there. But the rest of me is petrified.
I guess there is no real question here. Just needed to use Babble as a release valve. And no one is in Open! :(
poster:daisym
thread:367853
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040716/msgs/367853.html