Posted by tabitha on July 21, 2004, at 0:08:31
Tonight was really weird. We've been processing the conflict between me and Mean Woman. I'll start calling her Polly, just so I can give her a chance. Anyway, last week I poured out all my pain over how I see her as mean and so forth, and how the group doesn't feel safe to me because of it. This week she poured out her pain over what I said, and how she feels about me. There were quite a few things in there that registered as insults to me, but mostly I was just amazed because so much of what she was saying she felt toward me was the same as I've felt toward her. The basis of the dislike is different, but it all just sounded so similar.
It almost gave me hope-- since I can see how she's misinterpreting me. Her distortions are so clear. So it gave me hope maybe I'm really distorting too, and she's a much less scary person than I think.
The other cool thing was the way the rest of the group supported us. They managed to extend support to both of us, but without taking sides at all. I don't know if this is a change in me or what. I know for a while I was just going nuts wanting someone to take my side (namely my therapist) but it actually felt safer to me being in a group where people were not taking sides.
So I came out feeling really, oddly, wildly hopeful that this can turn out OK. Although Polly seemed utterly hopeless about it. Last week I was utterly hopeless and she seemed relatively untouched. So it's kinda like we're playing hot potato, throwing the pain back and forth. I still don't know how it can get resolved, because it seems we're just so at odds.
But I feel oddly hopeful.
Now I just have to avoid letting all the insults sink in. She said some pretty awful things. So if I start letting those things get to me I'll be back on the rollercoaster.
I'm not sure how to do that. Maybe some thought-stopping, at least til my session Thursday.
poster:tabitha
thread:368465
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040716/msgs/368465.html