Posted by Susan47 on July 21, 2004, at 11:11:36
In reply to Transference hurt back again, posted by vwoolf on July 21, 2004, at 10:05:02
> After two or three days of respite, during which time I thought I had managed to come to terms with my transference issues and had opted to try and forget about the problem, all my desperate longings for my Pdoc have returned in full strength. Once again I feel completely swamped by yearning.
>
> I know that for many this feeling is mixed with romantic and sexual longings, but I don’t think this is so in my case. At least, I don’t think it is. I have imagined him naked, but not in a sexual way – it’s more like a sense of him being completely open. The feeling is rather of wanting to be contained emotionally by him – a very small place from when I was a little girl. It is a feeling of devastating loneliness, which he seems to be able to dissipate when I am near him. I don’t dream of knowing him outside therapy at all, or wanting to be in any way involved in his life – I just want to know that my space with him is safe. I feel vulnerable and hurt knowing I can’t see him. So why do I feel so guilty about this?
>
> What transference feelings do you have towards your therapist? Is it like this at all?
>I dont' know why you feel guilty. I felt guilty too. I felt responsible for my own sadness, and anger towards him for being unavailable in the way I really wanted him, which of course is impossible, as he can never really be my parent. Or my lover. I felt like I couldn't live without him sometimes. I knew that wasn't real. In my case though, sexual feelings were strongly mixed into this, as I find him the most sexy and gorgeous man I've ever known (truly). And of course he's emotionally intelligent (which my parents aren't) and so I felt he understood me and that added to my feelings of "love".
poster:Susan47
thread:368561
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040716/msgs/368588.html