Posted by NVDeb on July 25, 2004, at 1:18:17
So I have a session on Thursday (session #15 with the current therapist) and I'm about to spill the beans. I plan to tell her that I love her (not romantically, just pure unconditional love) and that I'm not particularly crazy about myself and about all the therapists I've gone to and all the people that should have done something but didn't.
It might be a huge mistake but I've decided to do it (I'll be reading aloud from a piece of paper, I have 8 single-spaced pages already) and towards the end I plan to play Madonna's "This Used to be My Playground" and bawl my eyes out in front of someone for the first time since I was 11 years old (I'm now 26).
The worst thing that may happen? That this will be the biggest mistake of my life. The best thing that may happen? That this may be the best thing I've done with my life yet. I'm willing to risk it. I still don't know what I did to deserve someone as wonderful as my current therapist. She'll be the first person I EVER (ever!) tell that I love (I've repeated it back out of obligation but I've never initiated it to ANYone).
My last therapist used to yawn and clean her nails during therapy. This is the first person I think in my whole life that actually listens to me. When I realized that she was actually listening to what I was saying I said to myself "Holy crap, this one's actually listening!" Great but scary at the same time.
Sooooo..... 4 more days until I share my feelings with another human being.
poster:NVDeb
thread:370175
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040723/msgs/370175.html