Posted by Jadah on July 27, 2004, at 21:37:59
In reply to Jadah!, posted by Susan47 on July 27, 2004, at 21:07:19
Thank you for being concerned. That was warming to hear. I understand how you are feeling in regards to your desires for your T. I also agree that fantasies are better than the real thing. One thing I struggled with early on was getting to know him on a personal level. I had initially had him on such a high pedistal, perfect in everyway, impervious to any wrong.... as I got to know him outside of his traditional role I saw the more human side of him... the emotional struggles, mood swings, biases, points of view, habits... i was very thrown when we had our first arguement as a "couple", it was so foreign, you dont do that in therapy. It was disappointing to find out that he wasnt perfect, almost "godly" like I thought him to be in my mind. I saw him as human. I didnt like that at first, I wanted him to be consistent, essentially, I wanted him to be a full time T in both worlds....soothing voice, understanding, attentive to my every word... empathetic.... (non human). I can accept this reality now but I have often wondered if I had initially fell in love with the IDEA of him rather than the person. Know that ;your feelings are real, dont be afraid of them. I encourage you to process them with your T to whatever lengtth you are comfortable. Remember that with transference comes countertransference- they have feelings about you too. It does get difficult for them at times to not express these feelings or urges. I think that by talking about it together it is also a relief to the T to express themselves also (in a theraputic way) I do not suggest having an affair with your T (like IM doing) to anyone. I kow myself and where I am at. Right or wrong, it is sustaining me right now at this point in my life and I am emotionally able to handle the situation- especiallly together talking openly about things. I do know it cant go on forever. Maybe at that point I will be devestated, I hope I can handle it with as much pride as I have now. Feel free to ask me or talk about anything. I appreciate your willingness and verve. Talk to you soon.
poster:Jadah
thread:267681
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040723/msgs/371416.html