Posted by rubenstein on September 16, 2004, at 9:57:58
I have had a really tough week, probably the hardest in my life thus far. Granted much of it has been due to the medicine shift, but perhaps it also has to do with that ever ellusive saga of trying to find one's self. A few weeks ago I had written a short essay (writing) about my feelings in therapy...my issues of trust, my fear of transference, my inabilty to fix some of my more impulsive behaviors, etc. I decided to tell him these things instead of reading them becuase it was harder for me to verbally express them. Well, by some jungian or freudian slip the letter became stuck in the chair. I had not another thought of it becuase I thought it was in my car, etc. Anyway yesterday, our third session in 6 days, which never has happened we are usually a once a week type of thing, he brings out this letter that he thought I might have written but was not sure becuase there was no name one it. I was so embarassed, not that I was trying to hide something but just more of the fact that I wasn't aware that this could happen and didn't prepare myself for it. He told me how insightful it was and how he never knew that I thought about things on such a deep level, until he read this. He asked me whyt I hadn;'t told him these things and I honestly said that I thought I had, it was never my intention to not say them, I just wasn't aware that my verbalizing of my ideas did not come out as I had wanted it to. It was such an interesting experience. Given the current week, maybe one that needed to happen. Although I of course was partly upset of my inabilty to express myself at times, at least I know and he knows that the thoughts are there, they just need help to be released. Perhaps that is a problem of being a musician, I can always express the inexpressible in my playing or singing or conducting, but in the real world....that is a whole different story. Sorry for the long message, thanks for listening...any thoughts??
Rubenstein
poster:rubenstein
thread:391465
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040911/msgs/391465.html