Posted by Jadah on September 19, 2004, at 6:19:56
In reply to Redirect: administrative issues, posted by Dr. Bob on September 18, 2004, at 1:15:47
I talked to my T tonight about the letter I gave him. Our conversation was cut short because he was meeting with his friend Paul. He said there is still a lot that we need to talk about. He reassured me that we was not going to leave me and that he actually agreed with a lot of the things that I wrote. God, I am so angry. Should I be grateful that he's not going to leave me??? Please. I asked him if he could honestly tell me that we would never be together again and he said "no, thats part of the problem". I want him to suffer and hurt like I am. He says he loves me very much....is this how you show it, by hurting me just like every other man in my life???? Am I supposed to feel special??? F*ck him. My friend said that he is hurting and he does love me that he's not like the other men. She told me I need to grow up. Maybe, but right now I am just too torn. I want to know what is going on in his marraige that he is never home. What's with that? Is his wife playing susie homemaker while he goes out with his buddies or is his marraige on the rocks? Maybe it is none of my business, but I used to wonder when he was still laying in bed with me at 2am. Get this, I was apologizing to him for feeling the way I am. Everything has always been about him. I want him to see how bad I hurt. I want to.... awh, whats the use... Im drunk and angry. A lethal combination. F*ck him and f*ck me for falling for it all..... I dont know what will become of me..of us. Who cares.......................................How do you like me now????? Sometimes I just feel like nothing matters, including my life. Yah, if I took that maybe then he'd have to own up to his part. Love just isnt worth the pain. I can create enough of that in my own life, I dont need his help. F*ck it. F*ck him, F*ck life in general, Im sick of trying to get better and fight for what????? Maybe when I sober up tomorrow I will feel differntly....NOT
Jadah
poster:Jadah
thread:267681
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040918/msgs/392530.html