Posted by mandinka on November 3, 2004, at 3:40:29
In reply to Re: Question about In Session, posted by Daisym on November 2, 2004, at 21:29:05
Today I had a very relevant discussion with T3 on T attachment (T3 is male - kind of a Grizzly Adams type).
We were talking about how hurt I was by T1's sneaky way of terminating me and T3 said that more likely than not the fact that I had this daddy and mommy thing for T1 (there were sexual feelings too but I basically felt incredibly infantile, tongue-tied and vulnerable with T1) probably proved a bit too tempting for T1. T3 said that I shouldn't be surprised given "the way I look" as he put it. He was totally non-seductive while saying this I might add. I retorted that I'm no Miss Universe. I'm not a dog but there are definitely prettier women out there. Which is absolutely true. Still, T3 felt that I was good-looking enough to stir up some strong sentiments in a guy. Frankly, I'd rather T1 found me unattractive and stayed with me - if this is why he really left.
Anyway - T3 said that if he ever felt too attracted to a client, he would tell her, if she noticed anything, and ask if she felt they could continue. He would assure her he would never try to have sex with her and immediately seek help the moment he discovered the attraction. He laughed that therapists should have the disclaimer "I will not have sex with you" tattooed on their foreheads. Especially male therapists.
He recalled a situation where he felt an incredible attraction to a client in a group he was working with. He avoided this woman like a plague, consulted his colleagues and finally realised that the reason for this attraction was the shirt she wore which was just like the one his girlfriend wore when they went to bed. This moment of illumination effectively put an end to his desire.
I found it very refreshing that he would have the guts - while maintaining boundaries - to be upfront about his feelings. He assured me that he would never do to me what T1 had done and most certainly he'd be totally honest. He wondered why some people just don't get it that telling the truth is always the best solution. Given the amount of hurt and confusion I lived through because of T1's dishonesty I could do nothing but wholeheartedly agree. He said he wouldn't leave me and we would find a way to work through any problems that arise. Music to my ears! Gotta thank T2 (great woman) for setting me up with T3. I have two cool Ts now! :)
I've read Deborah Lott's book and thought it was very good. It's scary but I think everyone going into therapy should be aware of the pitfalls that might await them. This book definitely sheds light on some important issues that are more often than not swept under the carpet.
poster:mandinka
thread:410769
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041026/msgs/410939.html