Posted by Daisym on January 24, 2005, at 22:59:59
We had a conversation today about responsibility. I had a VERY tough weekend...too many memories and easily triggered. I usually touch base with my therapist on Friday afternoons and we plan for the weekend -- especially if he is going to be away or whatever. But Friday was really busy for both of us so we agreed on a Saturday morning check in. I struggled through Friday feeling lost and alone and resolved (for the 1millionth time) to MAKE myself be OK. So Saturday I left a message early saying, "I'm really busy today so I don't have any private space to talk with you. But I'm OK. I'll see you Monday." And so he didn't call me. And I then I had nightmares and a bad, bad Sunday. But I held on and did not call him.
Today in therapy I told him about the nightmares and that I missed him terribly for the last 4 days but that I desperately wanted to be OK. So I felt split in two. He said "I should have seen through it. I should have called anyway, just to say "I'm glad you are OK. Then we would have had contact." I reminded him it was my responsibility to reach out, and I had told him, very convincingly, that he didn't need to call me. He said he momentarily forgot how good I was at hiding my hurt. That next time he would "insist" (nicely of course). We also talked about the "right" to change my mind, not feel foolish and call back again if things go south. He said even if I was doing well on Saturday, I shouldn't have suffered the nightmares by myself on Sunday. And since they were abuse nightmares, he knew I wouldn't process them with anyone else.He also said I was right to a certain extent. It was my responsibility to reach out but that he wanted to make it as easy as possible to do that. And that meant sometimes throwing me the life line to reach out to.
I've heard both ends of this spectrum about responsibility. What do you think?
poster:Daisym
thread:447134
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050122/msgs/447134.html