Posted by Toph on February 21, 2005, at 16:50:57
In reply to Discovery, Should have figured this out before, posted by Susan47 on February 21, 2005, at 14:58:27
Hi Susan,
My marriage to my first wife was in trouble for a couple years before I discovered that she was having an affair with another guy. I stayed living with her for maybe another 6 months in shock and with massive doses of denial. Basically, I couldn't imagine leaving my 8-year old son and 5-year old daughter. Eventually I got thrown out when I had a confrontation with the guy. I had a 3 year relationship with a nice girl that ended when I met my current wife. She somehow barely tolerated that I was still married for 4 years. I worried that if we got married that my kids, especially my daugher, would think I was replacing them with my step-daughter. When my fiance suggested that we move to the same town as my kids suddenly it seemed OK to give up the past. I quickly divorced, we got married, and we have had a good life together since. Even my kids both eventually moved in with me when they had the legal right to choose for themselves. The reason I mention all this is that part of the obstacle keeping me in a destroyed marriage for 7 years after the affair, was a delusion I had. I unconsciously shared my kids' faint hope that maybe we could get back together and be a family once again. I hope, Susan, that you will discover a way to give yourself permission to move on with your life looking forward and not backwards. I lost 7 years stuck on an irreparably broken dream. I am so fortunate that the true love of my life had the patience of a saint.
Toph
poster:Toph
thread:459925
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050218/msgs/461437.html