Posted by Daisym on March 4, 2005, at 21:28:02
In reply to Re: An old fear for a new reason, posted by Speaker on March 4, 2005, at 6:49:19
I'm sorry this is such a difficult time for you. When I share these things with my T he tells me that it is "normal" and of course I want to be above normal so it ticks me off...but I'm sure it is part of the process.
****I think I'm desperate to compare my experience with someone (everyone) else's. I want this to be NORMAL. I told my therapist today that I'm just shocked at the intensity of my feelings. No One else I know seems to feel the same way I do about therapy and their therapist. It isn't that I've fallen in love with him. He says he knows that. It is a complete maternal attachment that is still in an insecure phase. And he acknowledges that I need to be reassured a million times that he isn't leaving and feeling like this is OK.My old T would tell me that a little fear of today brings up a lot of fear from the past. When I feel the fear of being alone in this stuff my T says why wouldn't I as I truly was alone in it as a kid and I had to hold that fear.
*****right, exactly. I *know* that so many of these feelings are old. They've been frozen and now they are being released, 7-year old stuff in a 43 year old body. Not a pretty sight. I think mostly it comes from what I wanted from my mother and didn't get. She didn't know, didn't stop it, wasn't around. So since he knows, I'm clinging like crazy.I'm sure I'm not saying anything new to you but I want you to know it's OK to feel the way you do...even though it sucks. Please try to give yourself the grace you so easily give others. Be kind to yourself and hang onto the leg of your T as long as you need to.
****That's what he said today! I could cling as long as I needed to. He said he expects it, it is "normal" and he knows it does suck. He also said that he doesn't see it as undignified at all, but as really brave to let myself be so vulnerable to hurt. Of course I immediately asked, "are you going to hurt me...i.e. leave me?" I can see him shaking his head, even on the phone as he says (again) "nope. I'm in it for the long haul."Thanks for the encouragement. I needed it.
(((((Marie))))
poster:Daisym
thread:466310
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050225/msgs/466717.html