Posted by pinkeye on July 25, 2005, at 15:33:03
In reply to Letting go of my ex T, posted by pinkeye on July 25, 2005, at 14:18:38
Actually now I am realizing my ex T didn't make any mistake with me. Not knowingly atleast. He really didn't know how to help me through emails, and I couldn't call him and talk to him because of time difference. And he couldn't really understand a woman's way of thinking and getting attached etc. He was highly logical, and couldn't help himself from not being able to understand emotions.. And he also accepted long back he was not good in therapy. And he had said himself that the only reason why I took his advice was because I liked him. And he asked me to consult with a US psychiatrist long back. What more could he also do? It is really not a good thing to blame him. And just writing to him provided me so much of relief and support when I didn't have anyone else..
So maybe I can close the grave with nice feelings instead of hurt feelings..
> I think I am finally ready to close the grave - so to speak. I am letting go of my ex T and my obsession about him.
>
> I think the reason I clung on to him so very desperately is because of lack of self-approval. I kept looking up to him to provide me some approval and liking so that I could go on and validate myself and try to be good. I think perhaps, I don't need it anymore from him. Besides, it is not his job to supply approval for any other human. It is God's job. And as long as I maintain myself decently well, God will give me the approval that I need, if I cannot give it to myself by myself.
>
> I don't think I need to torture myself about him anymore and I don't have to perhaps ruminate and obsess about him. I like him a lot, I think I always liked him irrespective of all his faults. I still think he is a very very decent person basically - irrespective of whether he is a good T or not - atleast when I knew him. Now I don't know how he is - if he got polluted by his new surroundings, I hope not. But it is not something I need to wonder about. What he does about his life is his own business.
>
> I hope I can hang on to this and not let myself slide again. I am going to connect with God more.. that will help me go on.
poster:pinkeye
thread:532997
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050725/msgs/533300.html