Posted by Susan47 on July 25, 2005, at 22:22:07
In reply to Withholding of approval from Ts and how it hurts.. » Susan47, posted by pinkeye on July 24, 2005, at 14:42:15
I couldn't be a therapist. I don't know how they do it. I would feel too much pressure to be kind all the time, to be unjudgmental. Maybe your therapist is even dead now, do you think that's possible? Because you and I had a life before our therapists, a life that never included them at all, and somehow, we managed to live a little. We managed to like ourselves at times, didn't we? I think I did. Before we ever met these men, we didn't know of their existence. They didn't matter. Somehow maybe we can get back to that liberty. Just because I liked so many things about this man, just because I appreciated who he acted as, doesn't mean he really is that person. It doesn't mean he really is deep, it doesn't mean he cared about me more than anybody else ever did. His judgement of me has undoubtedly been, at times, (perhaps many), unflattering. But he didn't necessarily always tell me that. And the therapy relationship is for the most part I believe, set up so that the therapist needs to be supportive .. he's dealing with damaged goods and the only way to heal some of the damage is with kindness. So it's most likely his kindness I loved. And that's hard to let go of. It's hard when someone who was kind to you, suddenly draws away. It feels like a negative judgment. We don't know why they pulled away, not really. It doesn't really matter, either. We'll never know. Maybe when we die, you know, that moment of death when you supposedly "understand" everything. Maybe that's what we have to wait for ... and by that time I may not care anymore. Which would be a relief.
poster:Susan47
thread:532118
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050725/msgs/533518.html