Posted by Joslynn on August 3, 2005, at 8:42:05
In reply to Re: Lott: a few questions, posted by deborah anne lott on July 28, 2005, at 21:12:16
Thanks for the "good for you." Because I was summarizing in one post, I compressed the time frame and the events, but in reality, I let it go on way too long. (In fact, I liked it and welcomed it in a way.) And it wasn't like he would just sit there and talk about disagreements with his wife or family problems the whole time, but things came out, a sentence here, a sentence there. Saying he did relate to some upsetting things my ex-boyfriend said because his wife has similar communication problems...then saying, he shouldn't be talking about that. (He knew, I think in his heart he knew he was crossing a line, yet he would still cross it.)
I let it go on almost a year, the little comments...which sometimes came up, often didn't, but came up enough for me to build up this big fantasy that I was the special confidante.
Finally things came to a crisis for me when he said some other things that deflated the fantasy and I realized that I had to speak up. I am glad that I did and he was very apologetic and humble about the whole thing. He didn't try to turn it around on me as my fault. I do want to remember all the good things he said and did too, he wasy very helfpul in many, many ways.
But I would say that the self-disclosure should be used very sparingly, especially when a T knows full well that a client has a history of becoming overly attached to unattainable male figures.
I think professionals stick up for each other regarding the self-disclosure thing, and unless it's something really blatantly outrageous, they downplay it.
It was a learning experience, that is for sure.
poster:Joslynn
thread:534691
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050801/msgs/537021.html