Posted by Racer on October 19, 2005, at 23:18:33
In reply to Re: When you react with pain to your T » Racer, posted by Tamar on October 19, 2005, at 19:07:33
I did bring all of this up, and we talked about it. I cringed when she responded, though, because she was apologizing for saying it! I kept saying, "NO! It's good that it came up, it taught me something, it increased the therapeutic alliance by proving to me that I trust you, and it gives us an introduction into a very, very important issue for me! It's *good* that you said it, because now we can process my reaction." So, a bit of misunderstanding there.
And we did talk about it, too. We're maybe on the way to getting somewhere. That's because I've decided I don't have to be 'fixed' on any specific schedule. (Note to Daisy: you proud of me for that one?) I can wait until next week to be perfect.
And then we talked about anxiety, which surprised me. She asked me what anxiety felt like for me, so I described it. That led to about ten minutes of discussing it -- mostly me trying to explain that no, I don't ruminate, I don't catastrophise, I don't get anxious based on thoughts. I have a very, very strong physical reaction, a heart pounding fear response. Even when it's happening, when I really and truly can't quite function, I still know that if I could stop the physical response, any psychological anxiety is easy to deal with. But stopping the physical response is difficult, and impossible once it starts. I maybe could learn to head it off, but it can come on so far out of left field that I'm not sure that's the first choice.
I think that's going to be a topic with Dr CattleProd soon, too. I tried to tell him before, but I don't think he quite 'got' it, you know? When I say the physical is what causes trouble, I'm first talking about a reaction that averages just about two millimeters this side of incapacitating, and also about something that often comes on without ANY thought that I can identify as anxiety producing. And I become nearly paralysed. It's also closely linked with my anorexia.
So, all in all, a productive session. Although we'll have to revisit the whole trust thing again, and the fact that I want to find out those triggers, so that we can process them.
Anyway, dinner time. Any comments after today's session?
poster:Racer
thread:568567
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051018/msgs/569134.html