Posted by 10derHeart on January 1, 2006, at 18:14:16
....'here' is where it feels like family.
My father passed away yesterday, about 6:30 EST, I'm told. He was 80 years, 11 months, 2 days old. I think he wanted very much to not see that 81st birthday, or 2006 for that matter. <sigh>
He lives...uh...lived... on the East coast, and my daughter and I had spoken to him at length on Christmas Day. Didn't sound great, but not terrible either. Assisted living kitchen's food was bad, the lamp in his room wasn't working right, some usual physical issues, maybe a little worse, but he still chattered on (for an introvert) and even asked me to mail him something. My daughter, though, when she hung up said, "Mom, I don't care if he jokeed, or chattered, something's not right. He's not enjoying much of anything. I didn't like that phone call."
That was Sunday. So by Wednesday evening, he'd been taken to the ER with a severe bladder infection, dx as severely depressed and had been refusing to eat or take any meds for 2-3 days. He insisted to my 84 year old uncle that he, "do something," and "pull the plug, etc. Or get my daughter here so she can do it." I'm told he couldn't understand that since his condition wasn't requiring any life support (only some oxygen for COPD he's had for years, and IV antibiotics) there was (not to be crass, sorry everyone) no 'plug' to pull. It was very stressful for my uncle and other cousins. Not to mention the little fact he was still lucid enough of the time to say *exactly* what his own wishes were.
So they admitted him, and the docs said we'll wait and see about his nutrition and mental state, a few days. About 2.5, it turns out, was all Dad was going to stand for any of this.
Relatives emailed/called me early Friday morning and then on Saturday. (Dad always begged them not to "bother" me too soon - demanded it, really)
We were in the midst of discussing when/if I should come, as similar things had come up before where he snaps back and tells me not to....when I got the final call.Apparently, the doc and nurses were "stunned" as there was no specific medical reason for his death. Wonder what the certificate will say...."pt. decided and willed himself away.." ??? I kinda feel sorry for the medical folks, as I'm sure they were doing things right. He just was tired of it all and wanted to go. His quality of life was shrinking down....legally blind, spotty hearing, confined mostly to a wheelchair, chronic bowel/urinary issues, COPD, mild MS, etc.
So, my daughter and I are somewhat relieved. Me, I think I'm in executive mode right now. My daughter just sleeps and mopes around. She hadn't seen her Grandpa for about 2.5 years, and she feels awful to have not said goodbye in person. Odd how this seems much worse for her. I suppose my grief will do as it will, when it will.
We'll be flying there Wednesday. Funeral will likely be Friday, but they're expecting a storm, so....?
I emailed my T. within an hour after getting the news. I expect he'll answer later tonight, maybe early tomorrow. I just want to talk to him sometime. More than anything. More than anyone. Is that weird or awful? 'cept for my daughter, I'm not close with one person I'll have to spend time with for a week. I'm just not. I can be civil and that's it. Not bad people, just don't know them and see them like once a year.
And I won't even get started on the fact the last funeral I ever attended was my mother's, same funeral home, 26.5 years ago. No, I won't start imagining how that's going to be...
Guess it'll all hit like a ton of bricks when I get there. Away from my T. Away from my real friends. Maybe even away from Babble (they have internet, but....long story)
Oh, well. I knew this could happen any time. And I must be the adult. It's just feeling awfully odd so far. Detached. That's okay, though, right? I loved my dad.
poster:10derHeart
thread:594080
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051229/msgs/594080.html