Posted by ghost on January 5, 2006, at 2:25:21
last night i couldn't resist the urge any more and i took a small handful of xanax. i just wanted to forget feelilng pain. (i didn't take many, just enough to knock me out and caust me to be 2.5 hrs late to work today.)
exgf's dad called yesterday. (this would be the ex i'm afraid is reading these posts, but opted to not car, so i'm talking about her, maybe she'll get the msg without me haivng to talk to her in person.) the gist of his message was that she got into a car wreck, was in the hospital, staying at a motel, her father found out where and got into the room, sorted through her crap, and found a suicide note. no one's heard from her since friday. but her once-full voicemail box is no longer full, so she must be alive, right?
i feel badly. i'm sorry her life sucks. i'm sorry she's too sick to realise she needs help. i'm sorry i couldn't be the one to help her. but for the love of pete, why can't they leave me out of this? it's certainly not like she talks to me. ever. he wants me to call her and get her to let people know she's alive.
i didn't repsond to his phone call, nor did i call her.
so if you're reading this, you might want to call your father and tell him youre alive because he's driving me to drink. and if you'r enot alive and really did manage to take your own life, i hope it was worth it to you, because you worried people sick.
part of me is sick in that i have this premonition that none of this is going to end well.. this has to end badly. i just don't foresee that sociopath getting the help she needs and sticking with a place of action. she's too good at manipulating people and the system.
of course the other part of me if she turns up dead, will never forgive myself.
but what the hell could i have done to fix things? i'm not magical.
i dropped myi telelphone in the toilet today. it doesn't work any more. yet anohter headache to deal wiht tomorrow. grrr.
(edit: i fell asleep writing this. i don't kjnow why or how, but o wokek up at 3:30am with my laptop in my lap an dno clue how/why i'm here. so i'll just post this now and hope for the best.)
*snore!*
poster:ghost
thread:595404
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051229/msgs/595404.html