Posted by gardenergirl on May 17, 2006, at 9:01:17
In reply to Re: I feel so sh*tty today, like a loser, posted by serena11 on May 17, 2006, at 5:10:41
Oh sweetie, I am so sorry you're hurting. It's such an awful feeling when you feel criticized and not accepted for who you are, just as you are. It's horrible. I think that acceptance is the core need I have, and it's been a big part of therapy for me. I still struggle with it, but I've moved more towards self-acceptance versus trying to find it in others. So there's hope. It's a process, and it's hard. It's not perfect, but it can get better. But I know that right now it feels really awful.
I strongly believe that when one feels accepted and validated just as they are, that's when the most freedom for change shows up. I used to tell clients that once they are comfortable "in their own skin, warts and all", then they will feel free to change things they want to and can. So a big part of what I do in therapy involves unconditional acceptance and positive regard. That's my own orientation, but not all T's work that way.
I know that some therapies and styles of therapists can feel very much like criticism--challenging thoughts and feelings, identifying problems to change, etc... These approaches can be very effective, but they can lead to some "ouches", particularly among those who are more sensitive to this. And just to validate...there's nothing inherently wrong with being sensitive to criticism. If that's part of who you are, then it's your truth and part of your being, and that's that. But of course, it also contributes to pain. Rotten pain.
It sounds like you're not feeling accepted unconditionally by your T, and maybe among others, too. I'm always inspired by your ability to sort out your feelings in your posts here. And it also sounds like you're pretty good at bringing up uncomfortable stuff in sessions. I hope you feel comfortable talking to your T about how you respond to hearing "labels", etc.
(((((Happyflower)))))
You are worthy of love and are loved just as you are.
Take care,
gg
PS: You mentioned wondering how to develop self-esteem. I think it really comes from within, but there are active ways to foster that feeling within yourself. I have found this book "Self-Esteem" to be a good one for that. The exercises are short, and you can pick and choose what appeals to you on any given day.
poster:gardenergirl
thread:644684
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060517/msgs/645095.html