Posted by wishingstar on May 19, 2006, at 9:38:33
In reply to Mom stuff, posted by Daisym on May 18, 2006, at 23:28:43
Daisy, I debated whether or not to reply to this because I'm really not sure if the reaction I had is even anywhere close to your experience, or if it was just MY reaction.. but I'll share, and maybe it'll help. If not, that's okay too. It's sort of ramble-y, so I hope it makes sense.
I think the reason mom stuff is so hard is exactly because its our mom. I know we're all adults now, and havent needed our mothers to take care of us in a child-like way for some time, but I think there's still a part (for me anyway) that falls into the "but you're my mom, I have to act this certain way" role. As a child, you probably werent allowed to lash out and be angry at your mother in the way you want to now. Even as an adult, and even with all the terrible things that she did to you as a child, could it be that it's hard to express the anger (like in a letter) just because she's your mother, and "you're not supposed to talk to her like that"? (In quotes to show that I dont believe it!) Even in families where the typical parent-child roles didnt really exist, I still feel like a part of that expectation can linger. It does for me, and I was never discplined for anything as a child.
I think you truly are justified in being angry and expressing that anger in whatever way you want. You're an adult now, and you're allowed to express yourself in the way you need to. I know it can be so hard to let the feelings go on paper like that... for me, using good sentences etc helps me to cope by keeping the emotion a step removed from it.
I read your other post about group where you said Little Daisy isnt being heard by you very much lately... I wonder if little daisy is asking to be heard here too. I'm not quite sure what that would mean for you, but it's just a thought.
I hope this isnt 180% off target. It's a LOT of my own issues mixed in, so it's hard to know what's just me and what isnt. I know it's hard though. Hang in there.
poster:wishingstar
thread:645772
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060517/msgs/645862.html