Posted by annierose on May 24, 2006, at 8:40:50
In reply to Re: Younger parts and pieces - trigger » annierose, posted by Daisym on May 24, 2006, at 0:14:04
>>>I need to be so in charge and so together. Except at night, so I hold my elephant and turn on the night-light. And feel lost, alone and small. I hate myself that I feel that way. <<<
Here it is. Here's the conflict. You need to accept the little girl inside that is so scared, so confused and all alone. She doesn't understand what is happening to her, why it is happening and why no one is helping. Now in saying that, I am not suggesting that it is easy to accept all of ourselves. That's why most of us land in therapy. To look inside of us, see what's there and change what we can, accept what is ugly and love us no matter what. But I happen to think, you have a super duper loving therapist.
Maybe he isn't pushing as much as pulling you. He does see the light at the end of the tunnel. He is pulling you towards it, he knows you can do it. You may feel alone, but I know he is there.
I too know that feeeling of the tears not flowing. That conversation with my T lead her to tell me about meditation. It was her belief that would help the tears come. It hasn't for me. But I still love the practice of meditation, and the yoga classes I started since walking down this path. So maybe they will come in time for both of us. I wrote to you sometime back about the funeral I went to for my brother's best friend who died at 42. That was my first glimpse of the raw grief I have inside myself. I only knew my brother's friend to say "hello" to passing him on the street. My tears at the funeral were coming from such a different place. Exhausting.
If it's any consolation, and I'm not sure that it is, my T reassures me that once we work through these issues, once we work through this process, their love and guidance will be enough. "Annie, I know you can't imagine it now, but our ending will not be scary. We will have talked and talked and talked about it, you will want to take all our work with you and keep it near, but you will no longer want to be here in this office. I will be here if you need me, but it won't be as scary as you think. We will decide this together." So I have to believe her. And I know for both of us, we still have some work to do.
Continue fighting the fight. I am keeping you in my prayers.
Love, Annie
poster:annierose
thread:647175
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060517/msgs/647720.html