Posted by llrrrpp on May 24, 2006, at 17:16:57
I'm completely wiped out.
I'm not in the hospital.
I think T is trying to make me heal myself.
He doesn't want me to become dependent on him.
I asked him point-blank who I should call in a crisis. He basically told me that if I call his clinic the only thing they will do is interview me to see if I need to be hospitalized. He said I don't want to be hospitalized. That I won't get better in there, that it will only make me worse. He told me I should call a loved one or a friend. He NEVER ONCE suggested that I call him. I'm kind of hurt, but I know why. It was a good session. I got a lot of stuff out. And now I'm so completely exhausted that I almost collapsed walking out of his office. Too intense. He didn't even bring up my e-mails. He waited for me to, and then he didn't even want to talk about them. This guy confuses me. This interactin confuses me. It's so one-sided. Sometimes I get the feeling that I'm a marionette. He's already planned out exactly what he has to say to me, and he already knows what I'm going to say back. Too clever. He was pretty serious and intense today. I didn't feel any comradery. He said it was basically me vs. my depression. And it was my choice, and it was my battle. And he made it pretty clear to me that he was going to sit on the sidelines, and be the referree, but he wasn't going to force the game to go one way or another. This is tough. No allusion to the hunger strike. I think I need to sleep on this. too much to process right now. but I'm free (from the hospital) but I'm not really free, if you know what I mean.
-llrrrpp
poster:llrrrpp
thread:647965
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060517/msgs/647965.html