Posted by kerria on July 30, 2006, at 18:03:26
Everything is so painful it's so hard to live.
i started going to a T who is a nice person but isn't familiar with doing t for persons with DID.
He asked questions and questions. over and over. When you have DID it's so so hard not to be led into doing anything- the other person leads- we're never in control . Parts can come out- we can switch.Parts came out and answered questions that i never wanted to know the answers to. Now i can't live with myself because it's so horrible, i am so horrible. Parts protected me from knowing what i couldn't live with but T circumvented it some how- he fired questions over and over and parts answered :(
T even called out the "Part that hated me". and there's so much hatred now- i hate myself- can't see myself in the mirror. i hate my life, things that were done are coming as flashbacks and it's so painful.
How can i forget this- i want to erase my memory and thoughts about myself- i can't live with it.
i can't function.
i tried to go on a trip (planned for months) but parts couldn't come to drive- we had a rental car all packed up and couldn't go.since therapy there's a mess- parts can't function- go to work any regular hours. now we know horrific information we can't live with.
It's terrible scary things that no one can live with. tears. i'm devastated.Tears. my life is ruined. How can i ever get better?
My family hates me, is so critical also - everyone hates who i am.
we're devastated- my T doesn't know - thinks i'm 'unsettled'.
tears, kerria
poster:kerria
thread:672077
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060721/msgs/672077.html