Posted by littleone on January 23, 2007, at 20:47:38
In reply to Re: Don't know what to call this. » littleone, posted by muffled on January 23, 2007, at 18:35:26
> *part of you knows he's there, if you like me, part of you is not letting him into your 'world'. Do you feel that mebbe something triggered your danger response?
inside is all walled off. can't see in. it's not even blackness and boxes. just all walled off. feels like he's walled off too. mabye he's walled off on the inside of me. so he hasn't left. he's just behind the wall where i can't se. do you think he's still here? i don't like it when he goes away
> *Nothingness is on a continum too. You can be just a little bit out or a lot out, but being a little bit out does NOT mean you will go alot out. Sometimes I come and go.
yeah, sometimes it's hard to tell if the nothingness is coming or is here already or just glaring out at you from teh bushes. i'm not lost in the horrible black yet. but i want it to go away.
> **ahhh. Danger response mebbe. I find it very hard when a part I do not like hangs around. What is it the 10 yr old wants do you think? Is it feeling unsafe and trying to protect? Does it need something else but can't get it? Maybe it just needs to be heard?
i ttied thinking of why its bad now but i get so confused. i know the miserable part came a copule of weeks ago because of how he talked about babble stuff. set it off. but this time it hasn't gone away again. didn't get hte young part back. so now everythings different. things that worked withteh young part don't work with this one. had very strong feras and worries that make no snse.
i don't know how to help this part. it's so awful. it gets so miserable and hopeless and won't listen or accdpt anything. it thinks no one understands. all too hard to say in words. it's very bad from a very bad time inm my life.
> > When the miserable part is really bad, he plays hangman with us.
>
> **That doesn't sound very nice. How does that go?it's good. hangman is that word game. except we dont use words. we use phrases. so i can send him nasty messages if i want. e xcept he gets confused with teh rusles. and doesn't drwa the hangman properly.
> **Your T IS there, remmeber that. You just can't acess him thru what is possibly anger of the 10 yr old. Is it at all possble for 10 yr old to talk to T? Even if its nasty?
the 10 yrear old isn't nasty. it's just so miserable and hopeless and wants to sink into the hole. i think it lives in the pit. i try to tell my t what it thinks adn feels. things don't go well if it starts to talk to my t. that's when we have to paly hangman.
> **Sometimes for me, I just don't know WHY? the nothingness. But sometimes I think when I fear it less, and accept that its there, but also remind myself that it WILL go away eventually. It seems to help.
but i don't want it back. it's awful. i want it to go away. i can't get out when i get lost hter.
> Maybe his voice? Can he leave you a voicemail to the part of you that needs him? and mebbe an accepting message to the 10 yr old? Then you can listen to the voice, and the tone of voice. Sometimes I listen to a T message and it sounds COMPLETELY different than the other times I have listened to it, and its a good thing, cuz then I get MORE out of it.
no can't do this. i have him on dvd. he was on tv one time and i bought it from teh tv station. except it doesn't look like him or sound like him. can't phone him cause that would be very bad. things are very very bad when i do that. i have his notes. i should read them.
> So I not sure littleone, but you sure helped me alot with stuff. Just today I talked to T bout teaching this body that its safe. NOT me, but THIS BODY. I was very clear on that.
we'll have to talk about bodies one day. i feel so separate from my body. it's like a strangething that sits down below my head. it does strange things i don't understand. it does stupid things.
> So, its OK littleone, you are still here, your T is here, and you are still littleone, just someones fussing, and has fussed before, and you will learn from this, and mebbe you will be able to help the 10 yr old calm down a bit.
> I am trying to understand.
> Take care.
> Muffled
>
fussing made me smile. wish i could see it as fussing instead of being it. that would mke life much easier.
poster:littleone
thread:725609
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070119/msgs/725751.html