Posted by Scentedgarden on January 29, 2007, at 7:36:08
i awoke today with a bad lingering feeling from my dreams ...there was a suicide, mine, and it was from a misunderstanding in my therapy...
ACCIDENTAL SUICIDE
i burst into tears upon awakening at 11..am
had a late night chat in babble till 4am GMT.
so i foned a private thrapy company and spoke to councilor..who said i be better to tell my therapist...and or fone for medical assisstance...to my GP
so i foned my GP and got an appt...but im scsred he will tell my therapist im in love with her, and she stops seeing me!
then i foned a community mental health service and told them i ws suicidal, becaue of a misunderstanding in my therpay. th fone call the girl was a bitch to me..WE rowed, i was forced to be hostile, then i hung up, then i phoned back to apologise, and we spoke a lot longer..s she says she has to tell my dr. some of the stuff, because if they have to share info... we talked and i felt better...and i told her i was meeting a pal later today who had the same name as the health worker i as talking to on the fone...
but while i was on the landline, i got a text message from my friend canceeling and i didnt read it untill id say goodbye to the health worker... so i called back just to give her a message to say my frind cancelled and now i dont know what i will do today... and the receptionist started to try to find her and then she put me on hold..* inonly wanted to leave a message* but it sll blew out of proportion!!!
she came back and said she had spoken to the others and they did NOT need to talk to me anymore today!!! So that was a big REJECTION TRIGGER...!!!!! AS I WASNT ASKING TO SPEAK TO ANYONE I ONLY WANTED TO TELL THE FIRST PERSON ID SPOKEN TO VERBALLY IN DAYS...THAT MY FREIND CANCEELED..!! and i got told THEY didnt need to speak to ME!! this has started to get into more of a mess...
reaching out for help has made me feel terrible...and i was accused of being hostile and she sid i dont need to listen to this... but i was the one supposed to be getting helped..i suggest they dont work in mental health crisis care if they dont like people getting upset..!!
but i didn say that, i just said well you know what sweetheart, GOd bless you, bye...and i put the fone down....So now i look like an aggressive hostile person!!! all because i was so upset upon wakening , i reavched out for help, and it goes roundthe bushes until im the one supposed to be being nice to the whole staff base community mental health workers....
well excuse me i was suicidal ten mins ago...i aplogise if i offended you!!!!!!!!!!!!this is why i never tell anyone anything...this i why i dont talk about my therapy ever .. this is why it only makes me look sicker to share my bad stuff with the staff...they expect me to be perfectly aggreeable and suicidal.. and all apologetic and blow smoke up their backside..
im just fed up with this vicious circle!!! the more a mental health patient protests, the more i am condemmed.. as a mental case!!..thats why i dont tell my therpaist all the things i feel,as she would also reject me..i know she would 90% she would not be able to cope..but ive gone and told the cCPN who will now tell her something is wrong with me when she talks later today...so now im up the gum tree!
i wish i had never ever foned them today! i wish i had kept it all inside and dealt with it alone... i look bad now, and hostile and rude, and IM really NOT!!!does anyone undertsnd on here a little or even a lot of what i mean? im very emotional right now and so im bound to be upset easily i was suicidal for crying out loud!!
now more than ever i feel like packing the whole shammbles in the bin..its seems like a farce!! i cant be real for frea of being perceived as ill and these people dont have the same skills to deal with me as my therpaist when im angry or frustrated ...they were getting aggressive back to me...unlike my therpaist who contains me!!! so in my opinion they shouldnt be working with people like me!! if they are not trained ..the woman didnt even know half of what i was talking about...my inner child she said no she knew nothing of inner child, but she is a community psychiatric nusre...!
then they get to pass on all this bad stuff to my therpaist and i dont get ton say my story!!im fed up with it aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!
poster:Scentedgarden
thread:727665
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070119/msgs/727665.html