Posted by Dinah on March 14, 2007, at 10:35:55
In reply to Re: Dinah?, posted by Iwillsurvive on March 13, 2007, at 23:13:19
I think I've given up on change for a while. It was too exhausting me to try. I'm working on sheer survival. One foot in front of the other. Avoiding my mother, doing as much work as I can. Getting frustrated because it seems I work from morning till night, yet am lucky to get in eight hours.
I have been watching myself avoid talking about how awful I feel with my therapist. I wake up every morning, fists clenched, thinking about ways to die. It wears off as the day goes on and during the day I'm just so tired I could lie down and sleep forever. All day every day from morning till night I want to call my therapist, but don't, because what really can he do. Then I see him and don't really talk about it at all. I talk about something else entirely. I think I'm thoroughly bored with the topic, and want diversion during therapy. Something that isn't about work or trouble, and that I can look forward to. I vent a bit, but that's it.
By all veterinary wisdom, I was fully expecting to only have two dogs at this point, which was kind of scary to me. I haven't had only two dogs since my early teens. But my old ladies are tenacious and fighting off cancer and end stage heart disease, respectively, with a grit that I quite admire. I'm very glad to have them with us, and I must be taking better care of them than I think. I gave the one with heart disease a much needed bath Sunday, and her heart was beating so erratically that I put her in a crate to calm down so she wouldn't run around like a mad thing like they do after a bath, and keel over, as she tends to do when she's excited. Of course, she promptly soiled herself, so now she's calm again I need to bathe her again. :)
And there are some exciting possibilities with my young dog that gives me hope that she'll live far longer than the vets expected.
So I suppose I don't really need a puppy right now anyway.
poster:Dinah
thread:740254
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070309/msgs/740944.html