Posted by Racer on May 9, 2007, at 13:49:12
In reply to Question, posted by antigua on May 9, 2007, at 11:36:14
> Have you ever discussed the abuse with your mother? Is she aware you feel this away?
See, that's part of the problem, too -- my mother is not the same person she was then. That's another part of my inability to feel the anger at her. If feels unfair to be angry with the older woman, with all her frailties, for something a young, immature woman did. Does that make sense? So, my T and I are trying to work on confronting my memory -- imagining her sitting in the room, and what I would want to say to her if she still existed. Kinda like if she had died, if that makes sense?
In fact, being me and being nuts, I have told my mother that I don't have any bad feelings at all about her, and tried to convince her that there's nothing to forgive. I've reminded her of all the wonderful things we did together, all the great parts of her as a mother. So, no, I don't think I can say I've talked to her about it...
I did a bit years ago, but it didn't go well. That was when i was in bad shape in my early 20s, and she was still the Other Mom. It wasn't a good idea, although I learned a lot that is helping now to go through some of this.
>I don't remember if your mother was your only abuser, so excuse the ignorance, but I discovered once I told my mother about the abuse, things changed dramatically between us, at least for me. I still tend to be the "good" girl, but I let more of myself out to her now, whether she likes it or not. She is confused some times and we've had a few "disagreements," but I'm better off in the long run.
> This may not apply, so feel free to ignore!
> antiguaNaw, I wouldn't ignore you. I always appreciate your time when you answer me. Thank you.
It's so hard, right now, partly because of the "good girl" stuff. I feel as though I have to take care of my mother -- despite the fact that, when I look back now, she did a pretty p**s-poor job of taking care of me. That's part of my make up, now, though -- I am Racer, She Who Takes Care Of Others, to atone for her selfishness. Or hide her selfishness.
Apparently I hide it pretty well, since honestly I can't say I can think of anyplace I've expressed it through behavior in many, many years... But, I still think it sometimes, so I must therefore be fundamentally selfish. {rolls eyes} (Hey, at least I can see the problem now... And laugh at it...)
Anyway, thank you again. How are you doing?
poster:Racer
thread:756419
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070505/msgs/757132.html