Posted by frida on July 20, 2007, at 21:57:13
Hi...
I've been reading the latest posts on trying to disclose and share memories...and about talking from deep inside and truly tell...
i find myself crying right now, thinking about that.
I feel this burden and tears inside because I can't tell my T....
I wish I could do as some of you do...i wish I could tell her...and cry...and share it all...but i can't, I can't cry, I can't tell her...I fall apart at home when I'm alone...I have told my T some of my feelings, about my needs, she knows what happened , but i have never been able to tell her from my heart. I have told her bits as if i were telling a movie, or very vaguely, never really telling her from that part of me that holds all the pain and tears.
I feel scared of never being able to do this, and having to carry this inside...and losing the chance my T is offering me.
I don't know how to tell.. How do you tell?
How ?
I often feel that I'm in the moment after my dad hurt me..and that my T comes, holds my hand and I am able to cry and tell her. But that won't happen :-(I don't understand what goes on inside of me that I spend the whole night before T crying, feeling that I can't stand it anymore and that I want to go and really connect...and then I go and talk from such distance and can't even cry, which would be such a relief, to cry with her and not alone as always. I would like to feel that connection that comes from telling from your soul...
I do trust my T and I know she cares about me. She has said that countless times and has proved to me I can trust her. I feel totally trapped inside and don't want to carry this alone.
Any advice...? anyone..?
Thanks,
Frida
poster:frida
thread:770820
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070714/msgs/770820.html