Posted by muffled on December 29, 2007, at 19:28:01
In reply to Re: and you know whats worse? ** abuse trigger **, posted by rskontos on December 25, 2007, at 20:28:46
> Muffled, the book I am reading says there is a % of the abused that never remember and it is because when you dissociate during it in that hazy state it is remembered hazy and becomes very hard to be remembered.
*this seems logical. Really, how does people expect us to remember, THEY don't remember stuff from that young either most people...
> So you really cant expect remembering to help you verify to yourself you aren't making it up.*yeah...I dunno why I have a part that is SO in denial.
>I mean we dont come out with this just to say no it is true and then no it isn't and then yes it is all for attention. Because this is not the kind anyone wants.*It was SO huge for me when I finally understood bout my
'peeps'. It explained SO much.
But with more knowledge, it becomes harder to deny. So I try to ALSO deny 'peeps' too.
It just makes me feel so bad to say it could be true.
I just don't want it to be.
And its not even that bad for me.
It doesn't involve a trusted person I don't think. And that makes it way worse.
I dunno why it bugs me so much. I think mebbe I just was a oversensitive kid, and my trust in humanity and the world, and God, was broken early is all.> I mean yes the book I read talks about those people with delusions that makes this up. But we all have been talking to you for a long time and no one thinks you have delusions.
*thank you. Thats very good to hear. I have said that to myself when I am trying to deny the denial. I say to that part, that if I was a faker, then the babblers would know. They "know" bout this stuff. They would notice. I post what I think/feel, w/o trying to be like others. I post my own experience. Also when I read stuff on 'net' sometimes I just 'get' it. Totally. Stuff that I realize in retrospect, I could not possibly 'get', unless I 'knew' somehow. :-(
And yet.....that part still hollers at me that I fulla sh*t. That I am a weeny whining idiot.> YOu are just as scared now to face what may have happened as then. Me too but I would like to get past it. And I think at some point I must face.
*Me too.
> Don't feel like a drama queen idiot. I still maintain something made you feel the way you do. None of us just feel the way we do for nothing. I believe that. I don't know if we will ever have all the pieces. I think we can move past it once we know that is all we know and we have someone, T or doc, that can help us move past and it is time and we must for our own sakes. I mean right. I guess I just hope to have some sense of being more not so fragmented and to feel so broken. And somebody has to help cause I know I can't do it alone.*yeah....I kinda wish there was a roadmap.....
> Muffled, I think Star has some good ideas. I know you were taking care of yourself for a long time. which makes it time you let someone help. Are you not tired of doing it alone.*yeah....its hard to let go...
> Hope you had a good Christmas.*yeah went OK. Hope yours was OK too.
> take care, later gator*In awhile crocodile
Thanks,
M
poster:muffled
thread:802166
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20071215/msgs/803188.html