Posted by brassneck on June 8, 2008, at 9:01:47
As I mentioned in my introductory post, I started seeing a new therapist almost exactly two months ago, for depression/anxiety problems as well as for help dealing with some relationship issues. Honestly, going into it, I wasn't very optimistic, as I'd never had a positive therapy experience before. I was getting desperate, though, so I figured I'd give it my best shot.
Well, as it turns out, he's great, and I've become *extremely* attached to him. I'm still having a lot of trouble trusting him, though, and have a hard time showing him my depression/sadness because I'm worried that (1) he'll be repelled by my misery (as most people are), and (2) revealing myself to that degree will make me even more dependent on/attached to him, and will make me want things from him that aren't mine to have. It's really frustrating. I'm talkative during our sessions--but not *expressive*. I talk *about* my emotions, I guess, but not *from* them. I've been feeling really terrible lately, and I've been able to tell him that, but I haven't been able to connect with those feelings in front of him.
I sort of feel like I need to hear certain things from him before I'll feel comfortable making myself so vulnerable to him. I've already asked him if he likes me, and in response he said that he does, and that he might even like me "too much" (not erotically, but in the sense of finding me "too interesting"). I'm not exactly sure what that means, but the point (for now) is that I *do* know that he likes me, so I'm not worried about that. I guess that what I really need to hear is that he's available to me, that it's okay for me to need him right now. I need to know, for instance, that it's okay for me to call him if I want to--but he's *never* talked about his policy re: contact between sessions, and I'm terrified of bringing it up. Do most therapists wait for the patient to raise this topic? Or does his silence on the matter suggest that he doesn't like his patients to call him? I've become totally fixated on this, and I'd really like to address it with him tomorrow, but I have no idea what to say or what to expect. Any advice? Stories from your own experience? I never knew that therapy could be so maddening!
poster:brassneck
thread:833583
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080524/msgs/833583.html