Posted by Dinah on June 11, 2008, at 10:14:57
In reply to Re: A Phillipas therapist thread » muffled, posted by Phillipa on June 11, 2008, at 0:23:20
I don't always know the why of my fears. I can guess based on my history and my issues, but a lot of the time I just don't know.
In many cases, for me, my irrational fears are a distraction from the real fears. It's easier to acknowledge that I'm afraid I ran over someone with my car and didn't realize it, for example, because at some level I do know I didn't roll over someone with my car. So I can dismiss the fear even as it occupies my mind and distracts me from my deeper fears. I couldn't tell you why I'm afraid that I rolled over someone, other than that I worry about responsibility in general.
In those cases, what works best for me is the anxiety behavioral techniques. Exposure, desensitization, etc. In some ways it seems impossible. Driving and not going back to check to see if I rolled over someone. But as I do it again and again, however hard it is at first it gradually gets less difficult. As I turn in my work product without checking it a dozen times, I learn that nothing bad happens.
It helps a lot to have support, or medication, on board when doing those things. But doing them is the cure.
And for me at least, with those worries out of the way, the deeper fears emerged for me to look at. The things my brain was trying to distract me with.
So off the top of my head, I can think of a few reasons you might be afraid of being alone. They may or may not be accurate. But isn't it more important at this point to improve your life through behavioral interventions? Things like you did a while ago. Driving to that shop. Going upstairs by yourself for just a moment with maybe someone in the next room. Then staying a bit longer the next time. And a bit longer the next time. Some people even start by recording a scenario of their fears and listening to that before trying to actually do it.
Behavioral interventions for anxiety, coupled with medications as necessary, have a great track record. There are a few books I like.
"Stop Obsessing"
"Brain Lock"
"The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook"If you come up with a plan, I'm guessing your therapist would be supportive of it. She may be waiting for you to take charge. If not, another therapist would probably be delighted with such a motivated client.
And then maybe the source of the fears will be clearer?
This was helpful for me. But of course your mileage may vary.
poster:Dinah
thread:834082
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080524/msgs/834140.html