Posted by Dinah on July 30, 2008, at 13:37:42
In reply to I am thinking of not being a T, posted by Lemonaide on July 30, 2008, at 12:12:11
I think therapy, on either side, can be an inordinately triggering thing. Transference/countertransference, strong feelings, anger, love. All those things get played out over and over.
I imagine it's got to be tough for a therapist to be on the receiving end of anger, or rejection, or even idealization. My therapist and I have talked about it on occasion. They aren't as invulnerable as we might like to think.
I think it's important for anyone who considers being a therapist to get their own issues under control. Your clients will treat you unfairly. They'll be angry with you unfairly. They may yell and curse. They may stop therapy suddenly and abruptly, even when you think that you have a good relationship with them. Rejection is not at all an uncommon thing. A client's job is to play out all their problems with the therapist so that the therapist can help with them.
I think someone who confronts and masters their own demons can make a wonderful therapist. But a therapist who is still confronting their own demons may be unduly triggered by clients. The issues my therapist faces do affect me. No doubt. Some of them have been unresolved issues from his past, and we've managed to work through them. Some of them are his here and now issues. So far, we've managed to work through those as well. But most clients aren't like me.
Your history is not your destiny. You say that your anger is a problem for you at the moment. A therapist with anger issues could be a problem for a client. But if you work on those issues, and get them under control, it would be completely different. I'm not saying that therapists have to be perfect. But they do need to be reasonably consistent for their clients. At this time, do you think you can be enough in control of your anger to not respond to provocation from clients? If not, there may well be a time when you can.
The important thing is to be honest with yourself. Honest but not unkind. I'm so impressed with you, Lemonaide. You've worked hard on confronting things in therapy with this new therapist. There are a heck of a lot of people out there who are not self reflective enough, and not brave enough, to face themselves.
I toyed with the idea of going back to school to be a counselor. But I know myself well enough to know that I couldn't deal with the emotions of other people. I'm too easily overstimulated. Anger would scare me. Grief would scare me. Most things would scare me. Am I messed up? Maybe. I prefer to think of it as knowing myself and my limitations (and my strengths).
You've been kind of hard on yourself lately. I'll bet you could think of a lot of strengths you have. If you can't do it yourself I bet we could help you, or your therapist could help you. But mightn't it be better to do it yourself?
poster:Dinah
thread:843051
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/843069.html