Posted by twinleaf on August 7, 2008, at 17:40:29
My analyst is on vacation, also, for the next three weeks. He told me where he is going- to his family island in the Thousand Islands part of the St. Lawrence River, in Ontario. Although he is very warm and spontaneous, he does have pretty strict boundaries, so talking about his island was a departure.
He described the geology of the island in some detail- mentioning where there was limestone, and where there was ancient basalt (the Canadian Shield). He also described the kinds of fish in the river, the meadows and flowers, and how he had no TV there, but had recently installed a telephone.
Because of all this, I can imagine him in his island surroundings, sailing, fishing, hiking, reading, writing, thinking and planning, enjoying his wife, sons, daughters-in-law and grandchildren. So far, at least, this is by far the easiest separation I've had, and I give him a lot of credit for that. When I am with him in sessions, he keeps me faithfully in mind every moment; when he's away, he makes it possible for me to do the same with him. The result has been a lot more freedom for me to enjoy my own life, and to feel free and independent. He is always there in a happy little corner of my mind. With the analyst I had prior to this one, I used to miss him and long for him so much that I couldn't really enjoy his, or my vacation time. I was just counting the days until I saw him again. Looking back on those years, that much dependence really wasn't very good or healthy.
Well, this is only by way of a preamble; I was going to try to write something about what has actually been happening to me. I almost dare not write it down, for fear that it might turn out not to be true! But I do feel I am really changing....my depression is so much less severe (almost gone on many days), and my social anxiety has also almost disappeared- to the point where I can hardly believe it's ME. I keep thinking, amazed, "is this ME chatting away like this without a care in the world?
He's just great, and I am so lucky; I notice what other posters have written about termination; unless things change because of illness or other unforeseen circumstances, he says he thinks I'll probably do best to always have some therapy..although not so often once we have finished the intensive work we are doing now (probably in several years' time).
I'm so relieved and thankful to be able to write this, now, after having to write about being kicked out by my previous analyst a year ago. That was so traumatic that, despite really knowing better, I was secretly convinced it was my fault until fairly recently. It took a lot of time and effort with my present analyst to see it for what it really was- a huge professional failure on his part.
I guess the main reason I'm writing this is to reinforce the thought that, if you really can't work things out in a good way with the therapist you presently have- that there really are other great therapists out there with whom you can do so much better.
poster:twinleaf
thread:844819
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080727/msgs/844819.html