Posted by JayMac on September 6, 2008, at 12:01:04
Money is my least favorite subject matter. I think I have to tell my T that I need to cut our number of sessions.
A little background for you all: I have HMO right now but it doesn't cover a therapist. I will be changing to PPO in Dec so that I can see my T for a *whole lot less*. Honestly, she's pretty expensive, but *well worth* it. I've been seeing her twice a week, but I think I will have to drop a session. When we first discussed rates, she told me her going rate, and then she told me she would offer me a lower rate. I told her it would be hard, but I could do the lower rate.
That was then, this is now: I'm not out of a job, but my pay has not been great lately. My income is not fixed. And due to unforeseen circumstances (i.e. the economy), I have had to accept a big pay cut within the past couple months. I have cut my spending, but I do have to eat, I do need gas, and I do have to pay other bills. I've never done this, but I think I will have to pay for my utilities using a credit card. It sucks. I feel inadequate.
So what does it all mean: I will probably email my T today or tomorrow and let her know I will have to cancel our future appointments. She expects me to come 2 times a week. In fact, if it were up to her, she would have me come 4 times a week. If I could, then I would happily do 4 times a week. I would love to! The reality is that I can barely do once a week right now.
During our last session, we started talking about school, and I was telling her I would have to get some major loans. I told her the loan debt doesn't bother me that much. She is aware that I do have debt. She is also aware that my pay has been less than what it used to be.
So......I don't want her to decrease the rate for me, but I wish that I didn't have to face this right now. I have SO much other stressors right now. Last night I started looking for a new job, and I am either way too qualified, or way too under qualified. Plus, as does anyone, I *DO* need to make a certain amount of money.
Ahhh, I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. I feel trapped! I don't want to go down to once a week, I've made so much progress with her. I'm kinda afraid that I'll regress. Actually, I'm SUPER afraid that I'll become more depressed, more anxious, and even more needy. I feel drained financially and emotionally.
Sorry for such a long post. I just needed to let it out before I tell her what's going on. Any suggestions you may have would be appreciated. Thank you for reading.
Jay
poster:JayMac
thread:850638
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/850638.html