Posted by raisinb on September 7, 2008, at 18:37:16
In reply to therapist crying, posted by ayla_auel on September 7, 2008, at 17:11:11
Oh yeah! It's happened several times over the course of our therapy (3 1/2 years). It's always been an intense experience for me--good and bad.
The first time was the first time I was expressing serious hurt and rage. She was handling it well, reassuring me that she could handle me, that she wanted to work with me (I felt abandoned because of some canceled sessions), until I said, "do you understand that you have to mean all this s*t you say to me?" She choked and started--literally--sobbing. She recovered and apologized quickly, but it was still really something. In part, I loved it--it meant she cared. Of course I also felt guilty, disturbed, and shocked. I was emotionally reeling for days.
It happened again a couple of times when we were fighting. Depending on where we were, my responses varied. I was annoyed because she couldn't control herself, or I felt sad because our relationship was so rocky, or I let go of my anger in the face of her vulnerability, or a combination.
She's also cried a bit when I have talked about sad things, like needing someone to take care of me. She cried, I'm pretty sure, once on the phone when I was in a bad place, but couldn't talk to her because I mistrusted her so much at that point. This meant a lot to me, because I could see that she was upset because she wanted to help me so badly but it just wasn't working.
I have thought a lot about this issue, since people have told me it's inappropriate, period, for a therapist to cry in session. I think it's inappropriate for a therapist to cry if her tears are for *her.* If the tears are for the *client*--if they're empathetic, for instance, or for the *relationship*--i.e., sadness because it's disintegrating or ending--I think that can be ok. For me, anyway. At different times, my therapist's crying has been both, and I think that's why sometimes I felt rebellious and manipulated, and sometimes touched.
It all depends on the individual client and the relationship. How did your therapist's tears make you feel? Start there.
poster:raisinb
thread:850826
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/850843.html