Posted by DAisym on September 19, 2008, at 22:29:01
In reply to I love my T, but is she triggering my sadness?, posted by LittleGirlLost on September 19, 2008, at 20:03:05
LGL,
It sounds like depression. Are you on medication and/or do you have a pdoc? Perhaps it is time to check in about this.
I'm wondering why you haven't told your therapist about your siblings being gay? Does that somehow make you less perfect? After all you've written about her, I highly doubt that she'd leave you but I can see how offering up anything complicated about yourself would trigger more of that worry. I, too, worry about these kinds of things. But I bet she'd really want to know, so that together you could sort through what is real, and what are "just" you fears.
There was a thread here a long while back in which we discussed how nice it must be for therapists to hear "I care about you," "I love you," or even, "thank you." We sort of debated the idea of saying these things. I think I took away from that the courage to tell my therapist how much he meant to me as my therapist - and we had this great discussion about my fantasies of him being something other than my therapist but how much I'd have to give up in order to have that. And when it came down to it, therapy is so important to me that I need him to be my therapist more than I want him to be anything else. (hypothetically of course, it wasn't an offered choice.) So I understand the conflict of wanting your therapist in a different way, but not really wanting that. We also looked at ways I could have more contact and what would make the missing him more bearable. It has taken some time but things are easier now - not all the time - but most of the time.
Is she triggering your sadness? I'd say no but your relationship with her highlights what you didn't have, and still don't have, with your mom. The longing for a mother is deep and painful and I think we have to learn to grieve it all and then move on. Accepting who your mom is, and who she isn't, is a long process.
I hope next week is better and easier than this one was.
poster:DAisym
thread:853006
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080906/msgs/853022.html