Posted by Dinah on January 15, 2009, at 11:53:32
Mind you, he's not my favorite person.
I was ten minutes late, and he almost refused to see me. His questions other than "are meds working ok" "any medication changes?" were all about my timeliness in general. I did tell him of the recurring deadlines at work and how tired and burnt out I was.
But whatever I said, he kept saying that at least I have a good sense of humor about it. I think maybe he was miffed I didn't show more distress over being late.
The fact was that I was in pure superficial mode. Not even rational me. Totally fake me. I was stressed, I was upset that I was late. I think I do try to keep a sense of humor, but I'm also dreading getting up every morning and wishing I could sleep forever. I'm weary, I'm burnt out. I'm stressed like crazy. I *was* upset about being late. I was upset about seeing him to begin with. He scares me.
I'm a bit upset with myself for how I presented myself to him. But there was no way I could be vulnerable enough to feel in front of him when he was clearly annoyed with me. Well, not even when he's not clearly annoyed with me.
Arrrgh.
poster:Dinah
thread:874147
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090109/msgs/874147.html