Posted by HappyChaiTea on February 16, 2009, at 22:55:37
In reply to Being heard and getting support, posted by wittgensteinz on February 16, 2009, at 13:33:57
Thanks WItti,
I am trying to keep my chin up, this week is hard for me, I don't have therapy either. I have a major paper I am procrastinating and a major speech to give on Monday.
So I might have to bear down and get busy with stuff that needs to get done, and stay away from the net this week.
I was just feeling good about therapy last week when she justified what my ex ex T did to me was so wrong and abusive on many levels she said. But I guess when I look at the subject it is probably upsetting to some, maybe those who have T's who are in their family, or married to, etc. Or just those who are trying to learn to trust their therapist.
What I really like about my T who I have been with for almost 5 months is that she knows all the stuff about me, the good, bad and ugly. I am in no way perfect, I am outspoken, and I do get hurt easily sometimes and become defensive. I do respond out of anger to protect myself when I feel threatened, this is part of the symptoms of PTSD and common for chronic torture and abuse survivors.It isn't pretty I know, but I really don't want to hurt anyone, but I will defend and fight back when I am being threatened or my kids or if someone is trying to take away something important from me. The instincts are strong and probably made me resilient as a child and an adult.
I guess I am seeing myself as the dog being backed into a corner, I will bite if threatened, but normally I am a happy go lucky mutt chasing after my tail. lol
This is the stuff I have been talking about in therapy, how I react to being threatened, when I don't feel safe. Some of my actions have been appropriate, but not all, but I am learning. My childhood has had some devastating effects on me, stuff I didn't even know about till I worked with this T of mine. But what is cool is that abuse and trauma survivors are her specialty, and she is really good.I am learning that some survivors use that anger against themselves like cutting, eating disorders(usually female) or do things under the radar to others, etc, and some of use respond outwardly when we feel threatened(usually male tendencies). Both are not good, but the 2nd way of cooping will get more negativity from others. I am somewhere in the middle.
Like other disorders, when others judge people harshly when they show symptoms,(some are not easily controllable, when it is instincts) it will not help them at all, usually understanding will go a long way and with support. But when people gang up on that person and treat them badly,( has happened all my life), it will only continue the abuse of that person, it will only make the situation worse for everyone. But unfortunately this happens more often than not, PSTD symptoms are not very well understood.
So I am trying to learn with my therapist to understand myself and why I act like I do. I can't change what I don't know. So I am getting better, baby steps, one at a time.
poster:HappyChaiTea
thread:879908
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090214/msgs/880615.html