Posted by TherapyGirl on May 13, 2009, at 18:51:32
In reply to I don't want to go tonight, posted by TherapyGirl on May 13, 2009, at 7:48:26
So I went and we started off exactly where we ended up last week - with me fuming in silence. She tried, I guess, but she's so off base. Sometimes I want to ask her if she's met me. She actually said tonight (at the beginning) that I needed to forgive her and get to a place where I wished her well, blah, blah, blah. I asked her if she was going to wish me well on my journey out of this world and then said Hell would freeze over first. She hedged on that -- said if I made that decision she'd be sad and grieve for me, but that she would know I was in so much pain that I couldn't see another way out.
It kept going downhill for quite a while. I said to her, again, "I need you to do something different." She said, "WHAT? What do you want me to do?" I told her I didn't know. Then she started saying that she had tried everything she knew to do and she was out of ideas, etc. I looked at her and said, "Then stop acting like you're irritated with me for not doing this better."
She looked at me in shock and said, "Ahh." while I cried. Then she said that she wasn't irritated with me, that I was projecting, that it was perfectly fine to come in and be wherever I was with this." I said in barely a whisper, "It's not." She said, "I want you to hear me. I am NOT irritated with you. I'm frustrated and I'm worried about you because nothing I've come up with yet has helped. But I am not irritated with you. I was trying to be firm." I told her that wasn't working. She said, "I can see that." I just cried. She asked me if I wanted her to hold me and I nodded my head. That's the first time she's ever offered -- it's been a huge deal at different times over the years that I have to ask. So for the rest of the session, she held me in her arms and I cried.
I'm not sure it helped, but at least I feel connected to her again. She asked me if I needed more of that kind of stuff and I told her I wasn't sure. Maybe.
She invited me to bring my new dog next week. I pick her up Friday night.
poster:TherapyGirl
thread:895509
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090421/msgs/895609.html