Posted by seldomseen on June 21, 2009, at 10:27:41
In reply to My brother, posted by HyperFocus on June 20, 2009, at 1:06:36
I'm coming at this from a different perspective which I think might be of benefit.
My brother was the one that was abusive to me. He is two and half years older than me. Up until the last year and a half, we had not really spoken to each other for 10 years. I viewed him as a just as bad as my parents. It took a long time to process that anger.
However, the fact remains that of all the people on the planet, my brother and I survived a horrible situation and share an unbreakable bond as a result of this shared experience. It is amazing now how we really don't even have to speak of our parents and their continuing behaviour, we both just know.
In my case the realization that my brother was undergoing the same horror that I was opened the door for forgiveness and reconcilliation. He handled it differently than I did and did in real terms make it worse for me, but in the end we were in it together as children. Each of us found our own way to survive.
IMO it's the shared experience that was much stronger than the rift between us. That is the bond that ties us together for the rest of our lives and ultimately opened my heart to him.
If I can open my heart to my brother, then it is likely that your brother will open his heart to you. You both were in a bad place and you shared that together.
It may take time, but being kind and open to his anger will help I'm sure.
Good luck in re-establishing this relationship. For me, it has been very rewarding.
Seldom.
poster:seldomseen
thread:902194
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090614/msgs/902419.html