Posted by workinprogress on June 28, 2009, at 1:02:42
So... I had to go out of town for work for two months. When I first knew I had to go, the first thing I thought was: OMG, how am I going to deal without my T. So, we figured some stuff out- I get to come home every other weekend and she agreed to see me on Saturdays (when she told me this she told me of a client who said "we can just meet on Saturday" when something similar happened- she said she told him "I don't work on weekends" but she said she would for me). We also agreed to do video chat for the interim times. So... off I go.
And, we've done two video chats and I was able to go home twice, not 4 times. I saw her both times. It was good to check in...
I'd been seeing her twice a week before this. Work was busy while I was away and it seemed ok. Then she went on vacation for two weeks (I was still away) and instead of leaving my daily message I sent her emails- my way of feeling connected.
I got to the point of feeling like this work trip was good for more than just the work growth inherent in it. It was also good for me knowing a) I could figure stuff out without her and b) that I was really secure in my connection to her- didn't question it or worry about it.
Now, now that she's back and I'm about to come home... NOW I'm having issues. Anxiety I guess. I feel less secure, more needy all of a sudden. What's that about? Why do I feel all clingy when I've been so fine for 7 weeks? Work has slowed down and I've had more down time (was working 90/100 hour weeks) but still... something has seriously shifted back. Now I feel more worried about our connection, more clingy and more obsessive. Stuff I felt like I had moved through during this time.
Any thoughts or ideas? Does that make sense? Am I just regressing? I don't get it... I've missed her this whole time, but now I feel really intense and needy about it.... Frustrating!!!
WIP
poster:workinprogress
thread:903559
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090614/msgs/903559.html