Posted by Daisym on September 26, 2009, at 19:32:11
In reply to Re: Need help understanding these tears, posted by pegasus on September 24, 2009, at 9:01:40
Daisy, I wish I could answer your questions, or provide some kind of comfort. I don't know that anyone can really do that for you, which I think you know. I send you my intention of comfort and support, at any rate.
***Thanks, Peg. I appreciate the comfort and support
Two things you said jumped out at me:
1) You are not becoming the client that he dreads, because you had a session (or even lots of sessions) that brought up frustration for him. He is clearly devoted to you, and I am sure that he loves you. After reading your posts for years, I have this deep sense that he could never dread your sessions. My sense is that he probably is eager for them, because each one is a chance to help, which he generally does so well. When he can't figure out how to help, or he does something that cause you pain, there is probably frustration. And that is proof of his devotion and deep desire to help, not something that will push him away from you. He clearly is able to handle this frustration well. My guess is that it motivates him to be creative with you, which he is clearly talented at and which feeds him.
***He asked me if perhaps he shouldn't have told me he was frustrated. But we both know I would know anyway so authenticity is so much better. He keeps saying that relationships are about working things out, that momentary frustrations or anger don't undo everything else. He said he wouldn't allow me to push him away but he feels me trying to run away from my own aggression. We also talked about my enhanced ability to introject my anger into someone else and have them express it. I do know that I do this. I can suddenly feel completely free of the anger yet the other person has escalated.
2. Maybe it is reality crushing a fantasy. But it is not *just* reality crushing a fantasy. What I mean is that it's totally OK and valid and understandable for this to throw you, and of course it feels big. I would guess that almost any noticeable change in therapy would feel awful and big. You want/need it to be stable with a capital S, so you can extend from that stability into the hard work that itself sometimes knocks you (one) so far off your own grounding.
****I think you are exactly right - I need stability right now in a huge way. I've move my company and things are really upside down for me. Right now I hate the new office - it doesn't feel safe and I'm grieving the loss of our old space, even as this one is a move up for us. My therapist has expressed his surprise at the depths of my distress over the move and I'm as shocked as he is. So I don't want him to change anything at all - too much change already for me to handle. That said, it shakes me when I realize how big my needs are and how much I still fear sudden abandonment. Kind of like, "if he changed this, then what else will he change?"
I hope those thoughts help in some way. I wish you lots of soothing in our life right now.
****It always helps to not feel so alone. Thanks for taking the time to write.
poster:Daisym
thread:918256
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090907/msgs/918629.html