Posted by onceupon on October 5, 2009, at 22:50:03
In reply to recreational therapy?, posted by elizabeth31 on October 3, 2009, at 20:42:43
Hi elizabeth,
Can you say more about the setting where your therapist works? I saw a therapist years ago - for almost 2 years - who told me if I was coming to therapy just because it was "comfortable," that I was wasting her time and my time. She worked for my HMO, and at the time, I wasn't aware that I could seek out therapy under any other circumstances. It was *devastating* for me to hear her say that, and, like Kath mentioned, I felt hugely shamed by it. In the end, she was right that I was wasting my time, because she just plain wasn't helping me, and I'd guess that it was in part that she was spread so thin by her agency. Once I found a provider in private practice whom I really fit with, I started to feel much more "successful."
Do you know why your therapist made the comment about therapy not being "recreational?" It sounds like a hurtful comment, and the fact that you're saying that you're "more aware of what I bother him with now" is concerning because it sounds like more self-monitoring/self-censorship than is probably helpful in a therapy setting.
As for your question about what indicators tell you you're doing well...I'd say it's pretty individually defined. Some therapists who work from a pretty strict CBT-like orientation might not be trained to attend to some of the nuances of the therapy relationship. So they might see a reduction in symptoms as enough of an indicator that you're doing well (for example). But that might not match up with your internal indicators, which (also for example) might involve feeling more connected - to your therapist and to others in your life. Have you been able to tell you therapist what you wrote here about feeling punished for doing better in your life?
In all likelihood, your therapist won't call you until you make contact with him. And that kind of sucks, because it would be nice to have this kind of external sign of caring (if that's what you'd take it to be). OTOH (and I struggle with believing this myself!), your therapist is also respecting your wishes and perhaps trying to empower you to ask for help when you need it.
What are your thoughts now, a couple days later, about contacting him? How is this all sitting with you at this point?
poster:onceupon
thread:919615
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20090907/msgs/919881.html